Nothing Compares
by Ambient Love
Summary: Nothing compared to how Owen made her feel. She knew with every part of her being that he got her and she wasn't letting go.
1. Doesn't Normally Work

Title: Nothing Compares

Author: Ambient  
Rating: PG-13. Mentions of sex.  
Summary: Nothing compared to how Owen made her feel. She knew with every part of her being that he got her and she wasn't letting go.  
Pairing: Cristina/Owen  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything all characters belong to Shonda and ABC. No funds were received for this flight of fantasy.

Nothing Compares (1/?)

She had never had sex like that in her life, she thought lying on her back, looking up at her ceiling. Owen slept on his stomach gently snoring, with his arm draped over her mid section. Christina was still buzzing with afterglow, her body was tingling from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. She turned to him and ran a hand down the strong line of his jaw. He owned her, claimed her, tamed her, Christ her mind was writing poetry about what he did to her. She smiled, suddenly realizing that the brand of her last relationship had been lifted, she no longer felt like discarded property of Burke's. The jilted bride, the lost teenager, the lonely little girl, somehow in the middle of the night packed her bags and left. And all that remained of their presence was a distant memory. Christina sighed in distraught revelation.

She loved him. She loved Owen. She loved his brashness, she loved his honesty, even his crazy ass craziness, she loved. That thought hit her chest like a ton of bricks and then melted and spread out through her limbs like warm oil. She moaned and stretched with it. Trying love on again like a favorite sweater. She felt Owen's strong arms wrapping around her again, pulling her close, his face gently nuzzled the back of her neck, his red beard tickling her. She smiled as his breathing changed and he whispered thickly in her ear:

"You should be sleeping."

"I can't," she sighed and he kissed her neck behind her ear. His hands slid up her ribs to her breasts.

"I guess I haven't done my job well enough," he said hotly and Christina groaned.

"Owen, not that I don't want to, but if we do this again I won't be able to walk tomorrow."

"Then I guess," he came around to the front of her. "We're just gonna have to be creative." he said kissing her naval. Christina laughed looking down to where he was heading. Her eyes closed and her head tossed back as she grabbed at her headboard.

"Owen," she hissed against the pleasure he was giving her. Then her eyes opened wide and she bucked against him. "Oh my God, that's...that's really creative!" she moaned and collapsed back against the bed.

They were 17 minutes late to work, neither could really explain why to the Chief. When asked Owen shook his head and then apologized, Christina babbled a little about long night and immediately switched the subject to a new patient. As Christina hurriedly made her way to the through the corridors of Seattle Grace, Meredith came walking next to her.

"You so did it with Dr. Hunt!" Mer said with a happy bounce after taking one look at Christina, who seemed to be glowing.

"How was it, was it good? He looks like it would be really, really good," Mer grinned

"I'm not talking about this, I'm late!" Christina said rushing into the locker room, leaving her slightly disappointed outside.

Owen and Christina were late to Seattle Grace because they had a fight. Their first fight, in her shower.

"Are you my boyfriend?" Christina asked abruptly and Owen dropped his wash cloth. He turned around to her slowly and then pulled her closer to him, turning her so her back was to his chest. He gently tilted her head back so that the warm water wet her hair. She closed her eyes, relaxing to his ministrations.

"I want to be," he said finally. She heard the unpleasant sounding squirt of her shampoo bottle and then felt his hands on her head. Gently, his fingers worked up a lather in her thick black locks, she closed her eyes with a contented sigh.

"Seriously?" Christina purred as he massaged her scalp.

"I do, but--"

"But what?" Christina with a head full of suds turned to him.

"Not too long ago, I took a shower, in your home, fully clothed. I had a melt down in the hospital when I saw my ex. I haven't told my mother I'm home from Iraq. I don't think-- "He let a long deep breath and continued. "I don't know if I'm what you need right now, I'm, I'm not well--," he sighed his eyes downcast, a frown furrowed his brow.

Since she met Owen she had remained surprisingly understanding. Yet at that moment, she became angrier that she had been in a long time. Pulling away from him, nearly slipping on the soapy floor of her shower stall, she jabbed her finger into his chest.

"Unacceptable," she said, her voice mimicking his somewhat stoic staccato. "I'm not letting you flake on this no matter how fucked up you think you are."

"Christina." Owen said slightly shocked at her behavior, but mostly turned on.

"No," she yelled. "This, us, this is good for me! You might not realize, but you bring something out in me, that doesn't normally work. "

"You pity me, " Owen said sadly.

"I think I love you, as crazy and unstable as that sounds!" she yelled and then wiped the accumulating water from the shower from her face.

"You don't love me, you feel sorry for me," he argued.

"You feel sorry for yourself," she countered.

They stood at an impasse for several moments.

"I don't know what to say! I-I never needed someone before. I never wanted this! Inside, I've been doing this dance. Walk away, don't walk away. I've tried so-so hard to fight this one second and to keep it the next. I don't want to hurt you, but I know that it's fruitless t-t-to fight it because...I-I love you, Christina. Shit, I don't know what to do," he half yelled.

"Owen," she put her hands on his scruffy beard. " Stop fighting." She pleaded. His forehead fell to hers and a water droplet fell on her lips. She tasted it and realized that the salty droplet was his tears.

"I'm not flaking on you, " she whispered. "Please, don't shut me out. For once in my life, I feel..." she hesitated, he looked up at her and she sighed. "I feel like I've finally gotten what I truly wanted." She slid her damp hand down to his chest and a little of the haunting in his eyes subsided."Be my boyfriend?" she asked looking up at him.

Blue eyes like the morning sky penetrated into hers, and after a moment of a thousand thoughts, he took a deep breath.

"Yes," he whispered and closed the space between them... they kissed hotly, passionately, their bodies melting into one another, and the next thing you know they were late to work.

"Yang!" Bailey yelled knocking Christina back into reality, Christina jumped abruptly.

"Yang, I don't know what you were daydreaming about," she began and then she leaned in closely to her. "But keep it out of work!" she yelled and Christina nodded.

"Yes, Ma'am," she blushed and Bailey rolled her eyes.

"Stevens, went home sick, so I need you to cover her rotation in Trauma," Bailey ordered and she immediately nodded.

"No problem," Christina said with a smile and salute. Bailey watched her scurry off to Trauma and she looked at her back as though she had grown another head on her shoulders, then her eyes went wide. Bailey pursed her lips.

"Mmm Hmm, " She rolled her eyes. "Worst than Melrose Place in here, everybody with everybody I swear!" she mumbled.

Once Christina got to the Trauma ward, she began freaking out, she knew Owen didn't like to be unprofessional at work, but every time she looked at him she couldn't help, blushing and smiling when he glanced her way or worse fantasizing about his hot naked body. She was being ridiculous she knew it. Distracting herself with patients, she tried desperately to get her focus back on work.

Owen was equally distracted, he kept searching her out with his eyes, he couldn't help it, he was a man obsessed. His mind was so preoccupied with her, the nagging thought of his loss out on the field faded, truly faded. He need a connection and he had found it with her. He came to that realization with a smile as he stood in front of one of the trauma rooms with a chart in his hand.

"You're looking happy," Dr. Shepherd said suddenly beside him and Owen jumped. He turned and sized the shorter fluffy haired doctor up and then nodded slowly.

"Yeah," Owen acknowledged. "Why are you here?"

"Consult. Yang paged... Mr. Marltzoff," Shepherd reminded and Owen looked at him confused for a second.

"Marltzoff, Marltzoff," he tried to think of the patient , but nothing was coming to him. He vaguely remembered Christina briefly coming up to him about something, but he was focused on the line of her neck, her mouth, that beautiful talented mouth. Suddenly, the details clarified in his mind. "The old man in 6, head wound, loss of memory. Fell off a ladder while cleaning the gutters. I ordered a CT Scan."

"That would be him," Derrick said, slightly amused by Owen's forgetfulness. He recognized the look. Hunt was in love. "Unfortunately the CT Scan came out negative for head trauma."

"Unfortunately?" Owen queried his brow rose.

"His memory loss, wasn't from the head trauma, I believe he has Alzheimers," Shepherd said."Is his family here?"

"Not yet-- he has a daughter listed as next of kin, the nurses are contacting her," Owen sighed as they walked over to the trauma desk, Christina saw Derrick and looked back down at her charts.

Crap, she thought, as they got closer. She didn't want to talk to Mer about Owen yet. Not while everything was so perfect between them. She managed to stifle the voice of her own doubts down enough to start a relationship with him. With Owen ready to bolt at any given moment, she really didn't need Mer shooting down her relationship as well.

"Dr. Yang," Derrick greeted her and she nodded not looking up her him. "I'm ordering a PET Scan, I need you to have one of your interns perform some cognitive tests on Mr. Marltzoff."

"I'll get right on it," she said quickly standing up and bolting from the counter.

Derrick looked over to Hunt who hunched his shoulders. Derrick grinned. "You want to explain what that was about?"

"No," Owen firmly answered.

"Fine, just remember, she's Meredith's person, which means she's my person by default. Don't screw this up, Christina's been jerked around enough."

"You have nothing to worry about." Owen said, nonchalantly as he walked away.

Christina was annoyed her interns seemed to be as incompetent as they looked. Ever since they began playing operation on each other she was through with trying to teach them anything. Unfortunately she was in a teaching hospital so she couldn't right them off as she wanted to. So she kept them at arms length as she thought them how to perform a cognitive test.

Just as she was finishing the tests on Mr. Marltzoff, Meredith walked in with an IV bag. Christina dismissed her interns and began writing up her findings on the patient's chart.

"So you're not going to tell me anything?" Meredith said as she hung the IV bag.

"Nope," Christina smiled and Meredith let out a frustrated sigh.

"Oh c'mon, you're totally making it with McHottie and you have nothing for me?" she complained a little put out that Christina wasn't sharing.

"Look, I--I just want to keep this low key for now, Mer. It's something special, that I don't want to screw up by over thinking it," She said ignoring Meredith's hurt look.

"B-but," Mer began and Christina cut her off.

"Meredith, it's complicated," she hunched her shoulders. "What's happening is extremely fragile. Even more fragile than you and Derrick have ever been. More fragile than me and Burke."

"I get it. Its just, I feel that I'm missing out, not just on the juicy gossip, but on your happiness. I know I've been sort of insufferable with my Derrick inspired rants and you've always been there for me to keep me from going insane. I thought that was what persons do," Meredith said in one breath.

Christina smiled, "I'm happy, you're not missing it. You see it, and as long as everything remains okay, you'll continue to see it. And when I need you I will be there with my own insufferable rants, but until then--" she walked away leaving the sentence unfinished.

Meredith looked at Mr. Marltzoff and he smiled.

"Am I wrong?" she asked.


	2. All In, For Better, For Worse

All in For Better, For worse...

It was near to the end of Owen's shift when he went to check on Mr. Marltzoff. The PET scan had went well and they were now waiting on the results from Dr. Shepherd. Owen noticed Marltzoff's IV was leaking so he quietly took the time to change it as the old gray-haired man slept.

Owen felt scared; more scared than the first time he was in combat. Ridiculous as it was, being with a woman like Christina Yang both excited him and scared the shit out of him at that same time. She carried so much power over him. Just the fact that at any moment during his many fuck-ups she could have ripped out his heart and stomped on it, but instead she chose to love him unconditionally, humbled him.

She made him feel worthy, when his self worth was at its lowest. When a he wanted to do was to give up and wallow in his self pity, she was there for him. A woman like that was hard to find yet somehow, he just walked in a hospital one day and there she was. After, after the horrible loss he experienced in the military he knew he couldn't go home again, but he knew this new version of home he built would not falter as long as Christina was helping him glue down the pieces.

"Oh, I've seen that look before," Marltzoff began as Owen scribbled notes into the man's chart.

"Look?" he answered the old man nodded.

"I had that look after Nam. Lost, hurting, empty... you lost men, didn't you?" he said and then coughed. Owen rushed to get him water and then nodded. "How many?" he asked and Owen swallowed the knot in his throat.

"Nineteen," he sighed heavily. "I was the only survivor."

"I'm sorry son, that's a heavy burden to bare." he looked at Owen with such understanding, he took a seat by the old man's bed.

"My doctor, the Asian girl, she's the one you seeing?" he asked and Owen nodded again.

"She's fierce, like a lioness," the old man smiled. "Don't be too full of shit, lean on her."

"Yes, sir," Owen smiled. "Have you ever lost men?"

"Hell yes, a bunch. Some to the Cong, some to their own sidearm...you name it. That was an ugly war. I was older when I went. Already on the inside before it started... was an Officer in the Army. Jesus, I led babies to their deaths, barely months after their eighteenth birthdays." his eyes grew heavy. "40 plus years later, sometimes I still dream of them."

Owen nodded in complete understanding, silent. There were no words to give.

"I'm pushing 75, you don't got to tell me I'm old or that I'm a stubborn ass that needs to lean on my four boys a little more than I do, but I promise you, son. I don't have Alzheimer's," he said and Owen put his hand on his shoulder.

"We're just checking every possibility ,Sir."

"Enough with this 'Sir' business...you're a vet! You can call me Barry," he smiled and Owen grinned.

"Nice to meet you, Barry."

Owen left Barry Marltzoff's room and walked over to the nurse's station. He was concerned, Barry's daughter hadn't arrived yet, it was going on late afternoon and Barry had been there since the morning.

"Hey, have you got in contact with Renee Harris, yet? She's listed as Barr--" he stopped. "Mr. Marltzoff's next of kin," he asked and the nurse shook her head.

"I'm sorry doctor, both numbers we have for Renee Harris have been disconnected." the nurse explained.

"He said he had four sons," Owen said and the nurse nodded and went into Mr. Marltzoff's room to find a number.

Owen leaned against the nurses station. He felt Christina's hand slip into his lab coat. Just as quickly she had walked away, lifting her hair up into a ponytail revealing the back off her neck to him. He grinned, his concern for Barry momentarily forgotten as he reached into his coat pocket and retrieved the note she left.

Vent. It said and he looked around making sure no one witnessed their interaction. He waited only a few moments and then he followed her to their special place.

He walked through the door of the boiler room, she immediately threw her arms around him. Their lips met and they kissed passionately her hands running under his scrubs to feel the warm flesh of his skin and the hard muscles of his abs.

"Mm," he purred when they finally separated. Christina smiled, his hands were tangled in her hair. The elastic band that was holding her hair away from her neck was lost.

"I've wanted to do that all day," Christina sighed.

"Two more hours I'll show you what I've been wanting to do all day," he waggled his eyebrows and Christina laughed.

"I love your laugh," he said thoughtfully. She kissed his bottom lip and then his top lip slowly.

"I love your smile," she sighed in his arms and then shook her head. They were beginning to sound... McDreamy.

"Okay, enough, before we both slip into a diabetic coma!" she joked and opened the door to the boiler room.

"Christina," Owen said, behind her, she turned around to him. "I love you."

Christina didn't say it back, her smile said enough. She winked at him and went back to work.

When Owen got back to Trauma, a young brunette couple approached him. The man was in his early thirties, tall, with a stocky build that seemed unnatural. The young woman had her arm wrapped around his large arm. Owen could immediately tell the man was upset, so he put on his kind serene face.

"Are you Dr. Hunt?" The man yelled and Owen looked him up and down.

"Yes, can I help you?"

"My father has been in this hospital the whole day and I wasn't contacted. We were worried like crazy! We called several hospitals and no one wanted to tell us if my father was admitted or not!"

"Unfortunately that's federal law, nurses are not allowed to give out that information on the phone. What's your father's name?"

"Bartholomew Marltzoff," he said, wiping his hands on his lap. He was sweating, worried. Owen could imagine him going to check on his tough as nails father only to find out from the neighbors that he was taken to a hospital after a pretty bad fall and then not knowing what hospital he was taken to.

"I'm sorry, Barry's, I mean Mr. Marltzoff's in curtain 6 . I'm his doctor." Owen held out his hand and the man sighed in relief.

"I'm Will, his son, is he okay?" he shook Owen's hand, relieved from finally getting answers.

"He has a concussion, and some scrapes and bruises, but he's a tough man," Owen smiled.

"That's dad," Will's wife nodded. "I'm Marie, Will's wife," she shook his hand.

"I'm sorry about the delay in contacting you, Mr. Marltzoff has a Rachel Harris listed as his next of kin on his chart."

Will looked surprised, "Rachel?"

"Yes, Rachel Harris, his daughter?" Owen asked and Will shook his head.

"Rachel's been dead for almost ten years and she's not his daughter."

"Well, we wanted to have someone from geriatrics look at your father," Owen said.

"Why you said he was fine?" Marie asked.

"Physically he is, but mentally..." he let the statement hang in the air. "He's 75 years old, he has no primary physician listed, when was the last time he went to a doctor?"

"I can't say, Dad's not a big fan of doctors," Will sighed.

"We have been testing him for Alzheimer's, as a precaution. If it's in it's early stages we can treat it with meds so he doesn't fade away fast," he explained. He led the couple towards the room.

"Do you think he has it?" Will asked and Owen sighed.

"He seems one hundred percent, but we won't know until all the tests come out. Right this way," he led them through the curtain Barry was sleep. Will took a deep breath and sat next his father.

"Stupid old man, you couldn't wait fifteen minutes? I was on my way," he said holding his father's hand.

"The fact of it all is that you've never on time, I said I want to clean my gutters at 12. Not 12:15," he grumbled his eyes still closed. Owen smiled at them and left them alone.

The last hour of Owen's shift seemed to drag. He knew he should probably be thankful for the quietness of the day. No major traumas, no second unscheduled shift, just clock out and rest up for the next day. He checked his watch against the clock on the wall. Five minutes left, his heart sped up in anticipation. In five minutes, he would see her and most importantly she would see him, as she always did.

They didn't have any major earth shattering plans after work, just domestic ones. Christina was more than vexed when she looked in his fridge this morning and only had found a six pack of beer and moldy left over Pad Thai.

"Are you an alien or an android?' she asked him as she threw out the Pad Thai with an expression on her face that made him feel all of six years old. Owen gave her a sideways smile and then helped her put on her coat, pushing them both out the door.

"We're going food shopping tonight!" she said once he was in his car.

"Yes Ma'am," he saluted her and she rolled her eyes getting into her own car.

So there he stood in front of SGH waiting for Christina so they could go food shopping and he never felt better.

"You are so whipped," Mark Sloan said in black leather jacket, his briefcase in hand.

"This from a man who let an intern break his penis?" Owen smirked and Mark rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Be careful with that one, she'll melt your soul down to nothing if you cross her," he said as Christina came down the stairs. He clapped Owen on the back and Owen smiled.

"What was that about?" Christina asked as Owen gently took her arm.

"Derek has a big mouth."

Christina snorted, "What else is new?"

Standing in the parking lot they were once again left with the same dilemma they've been having all week. Two cars, which do they take, do they take both or one car. Would one car be too obvious?

"Your car or mine, it's doesn't really matter now," Christina hunched her shoulder. "Once Derek told Mark our cover was blown."

Their conversation in the shower this morning had been a major breakthrough for them as a couple and for Christina personally. Things that would have worried her half to death a week ago just didn't matter now. She didn't mind being seen as a couple. She didn't care if their "cover" was blown. Christina stood next to Owen in front of his Ford Expedition. She laughed when she saw Owen's perplexed look in the reflection of his car's shiny black paint.

"I told you I'm not flaking out, Owen. The last thing you need is a woman whose not all in. I'm all in for better, for worse," she wrapped her arms around his neck and they kissed hotly, He pushed her back against the driver's side door of his SUV. Her tongue slipped effortlessly into his mouth a the car alarm went off. They jumped apart and Owen shut off his alarm looking at her like she was some surreal unattainable deity, he looked at her like that until she disappeared around the passenger side of the car and opened the door. She slipped inside the SUV and Owen slid behind the steering wheel quietly.

"Let's get some food," he finally said.

Christina shopped as Owen pushed the cart behind her. He felt so domesticated and happy, like doing that small thing for her was what he was meant to do. He could imagine pushing the cart with their daughter or son sitting in the kids seat in the cart. He could almost see their son, light brown hair, almond shaped eyes, her beautiful eyes.

"How was work?" Christina asked as they walked down the cereal aisle, breaking through Owen's little fantasy world.

" Mr. Marltzoff's a Vietnam vet," he said retrieving a box of organic oatmeal she struggled to reach.

"Seriously?" she said with an eyebrow quirked. "Did you talk to him about his experience?"

"He didn't tell me anything I didn't know already."

"Really, like what?"

"He told me to lean on you," he said wrapping his arms around her waist and Christina touched his face.

"You've heard that before," she sighed dramatically. Owen gently bent his head down and kissed her.

"Excuse us!" an annoyed female shopper said from behind them and they realized that they were blocking the rest of the cereal aisle. They pulled apart and moved over to let the shopper past them.

Owen lived alone in a medium sized loft. It was an open layout. The bedroom was up a flight of metal stairs. There was only one wall separating the kitchen and the bathroom. The door to the bathroom was a bamboo sliding door. When Christina first came to Owen's loft apartment she laughed at it's gosh modern furniture. The minimalism was Owen, but not the modern art deco pieces littered around the apartment. Owen immediately mention that the apartment came furnished and it all made sense.

"I like you here," he said.

Christina was sitting, wine glass in hand on his slate gray kitchen island, watching him cook steaks with mixed vegetables. She had been staying with him for a week now, but it wasn't until last night that they consummated their relationship. Though she missed commiserating with Callie about life, she found herself at complete ease being with Owen.

"I like being here," she took a swig of wine and he took the vegetables off the burner.

Insinuating himself between her legs he grabbed his wine glass and took a long drink. Placing his glass down, he gently took hers and placed it besides them. She smiled and kissed his cheek, then his nose, then finally his lips.

"Stay with me," he asked and she tensed. Placing his hand on her neck, gently easing out the tension. His face was only a few small inches away from hers, his blue eyes were intensely pleading with her. It made Christina almost wanted to pull away, but she didn't.

"I know I'm asking a lot here, but I know if you go home tonight, or tomorrow night, I'm going to miss having you in my arms, in my bed, in our bed," his lips hovered over hers as his hand went around her waist. "Stay," he whispered.

"The steaks," she reminded him just before the timer on the oven went off. He gave her a peck on the lips and left her to save their steaks.

Christina hopped of the kitchen island quietly and moved to the small octagonal glass table in the attached dining room. She moved their wine glasses onto the table and sat down, quietly thinking. Inside she was freaking out. The thought of moving in with a man, no matter how wonderful, after that fiasco with Burke.... just didn't seem appealing. Flashes of her life with Burke passed through her mind. They moved too fast and it fell apart. Then again, Owen and Burke were polar opposites. Owen was warm, loving, understanding where Burke was cold and judgmental. Owen accepted her as is, where Burke saw her as a fixer-upper.

Damn it, she was just used to being on her own again, and then bam! Here comes hot interesting army doctor with his fuck all attitude and slight mental instability. She loved him, that she was sure of. She knew he loved her, but was she truly ready for that kind of step?

"Forget I said anything," Owen said with a gentle smile covering up the twinge of hurt in his eyes.

"I haven't said no...yet," she sighed and he placed the steaks on the table with the vegetables.

"Which just means you're thinking 'how do I let him down gently?'" he grinned with one eyebrow arched.

"Don't try to read me Owen, you suck at it."

he took a small breath as he sat down, "Look, I get Christina, I just love you, and I got excited." He put his hand over hers in assurance. "Don't worry about answering me. Just forget it."

"I'm all in," she said, surprising herself.

"Wait, was that a 'yes'?" Owen blinked in amazement.

She thought on it for a brief second and then she nodded, "Yes."

TBC....


	3. One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

Owen was having a fitful nightmare. He had been sleeping peacefully since they started sleeping together, but not tonight. Tonight he woke her up twice with his cries and pleas. She ran her hand down his hair, fully awake... watching him. It was torture watching him ball his fist in the sheets, to hear him crying out. She put her arms around his chest and he lashed out as he came awake with a start. His elbow hit her hard in the face, with a pained yelp she jerked away from him cradling her nose.

Owen looked around in the dark, panicked. The smoke and fire of his dreams were gone, but the warm sticky feeling of blood was still on him. He turned on the light and found Christina cradling her face, blood was running from her nose between her fingers, into her mouth, and down the front of her white t-shirt. Shocked for a moment he blinked.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" he jumped up going into the bathroom for towels. When he came back, he cradled her head and placed the towels as gently as he could over her nose with shaky hands.

"I'm so fucking sorry," he said, eyes full of tears. Christina spit blood out of her mouth onto the towel and shook her head.

"My fault, I startled you," she said and he shook his head.

"Unacceptable, I'm an idiot," he took a deep breath his sad eyes falling into cold clinical Doctor mode.

"Let me look at it, if it's broken we'll need to go to the hospital."

They both moved into the bathroom and Christina sat down on the toilet as Owen wet a cloth.

"Owen," Christina began, but Owen was looking down at the cloth as he wet it. He was distant and shut off. Christina wanted, needed, a connection, but all she got was a wall.

"Owen," she said, again and he shook his head.

"Don't talk," he took the towel she was holding from her hands and gently washed the blood from her face. He felt her nose for broken bones as she winced. Luckily, for them both there were none.

"Owen," Christina said, again, but he ignored her. She reached out to grab his hand and he pulled away.

"It's just bruised, it doesn't feel broken. I'll get some ice," he nodded, leaving her sitting on the toilet as he escaped into his kitchen. One step forward, three steps back, Christina thought.

In the kitchen Owen grabbed a zip lock bag from the cabinet and went to the automatic ice maker on the fridge . His mind was racing, his heart was beating hard in his chest, and he couldn't swallow past the knot in his throat. He didn't realize he was crying until the tears hit his forearms. He wiped them away and took a deep breath, looking at his reflection of the refrigerator stainless steel door he saw a ghost.

"Hold it together," he demanded of himself as he filled the bag. "Hold it together, hold it together, hold it together..." he chanted as he went back into the bathroom were Christina was rinsing out her mouth and cleaning her face. He nose was red and swollen twice its size. He knew she'd have a hell of a bruise tomorrow morning. His tears came again as he handed her the bag of ice. She put her hand on his chest over his heart.

"Owen, it's okay, it was an accident," she said and he collapsed to his knees silently in front of her.

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me," he cried and Christina put one small hand through his hair down to his face. He rested his head against her abdomen, his arms wrapping around her holding her close. She unwrapped his arms from around her and forced him to stand up. He stood in front of her not looking into her eyes.

"I'm okay, we're okay. It was an accident, I forgive you," she wiped his tears from his face. "Okay?" she let her hands fall into his scruffy beard. She waited for him to nod, to understand that she loved him no matter what.

They walked into the bedroom hand- in-hand. Christina sat on a small white tub chair by her side of the bed and watched as he changed the blood stained sheets and pillow cases. When he was done, he chivalrously picked her up and laid her in the bed, giving her a chaste kiss on the forehead. His hands removed hers from the ice and he held it there on her nose all night until she slept.

The alarm was going off and Christina dunked her hand in a bag of ice cold water. She jerked up pulling her had out of the wet zip lock bag, shaking it dry.

"What the--" She turned to where Owen would have been sleeping, but found his spot empty and cold.

He hadn't left a note...he always left a note, even if it was just him running down the street to Panera.

Worried for him, she grabbed her cellphone out of her bag and called Meredith.

"Hey Chris what's up?" Mer answered cheerily, she could almost here her bouncing.

"Seriously, I know you're getting married and you're happily in love, but it's six in the morning, you're not allowed to be that cheery six in the morning," Christina said and Meredith grinned.

"What's going on?" Mer asked and Christina sighed.

"Long story short? Owen asked me to move in, I said yes. Owen had a nightmare, I tried to wake him up, got a hard elbow to the face for my troubles, and now he's missing."

"Is your face okay?" Mer asked just as Christina was looking in the mirror. Her nose was a swollen mess and black and blue, nothing concealer couldn't fix. She was more concerned about her McHottie. Where the hell was he?

"I'll survive," she said drolly.

"Did you try the hospital?"

"His beeper's here," Christina sighed. "So, is his cellphone. Only thing missing is his car keys."

"He's probably just blowing off some steam."

"That's what I'm worried about." Christina looked at her watch she had a late shift today. Owen had noon shift. She was going to look for him. She cursed suddenly, realizing her car was in the parking lot of the hospital.

"Mer, can you come pick me up? My car is at the hospital."

"Sure. I'm on my way."

Owen didn't realize where he was going until he was halfway there. His mother's. He was done with the pretense. Done with the lies.

He wanted to be done with the Army, the horrible memories, and the PTSD. Somehow it came to him, as his hand grew numb from holding the ice on Christina's nose, that he was still tied to the Army through his lies to his mother and it had to stop. Parked in front of his mother three bedroom colonial he sat hands clutching the steering wheel, eyes red from lack of sleep and unshed tears. He wasn't dressed in fatigues like he once planned to be in when he reveal the news of his return to her.

He was simply Owen, what was left of him, in the after. After almost two hours sitting in his SUV gathering courage, he got out of the car and walked down the short path to his mother's porch. His hands shook as he rang the doorbell.

The door opened and his mother stood in front of him. Dressed in a mint colored terry cloth robe she had a cup of coffee in her hand. She was slim and petite. She had auburn red-haired, more from a bottle than naturally nowadays. She wore a smile that was sad around the edges, her eyes wore a worry that he saw only twice in his life, but there was no shock or grand gestures of relief. She quietly opened the screen door and let him in.

"Beth told you, didn't she?" he said looking at the ground unable to look her in the eye.

"I knew you were home way before Beth told me, son," she announced surprising him. She walked into her large country kitchen and he followed.

"How?" Owen said shakily, he sat at the breakfast table.

"David. Colonel David. He was worried about you after your discharge. He was afraid that you'd do... something," she sighed, grabbing a second cup from the cupboard. She poured coffee into the second cup and carried it to him.

"I'm sorry, Mom," he whispered shamefully and she wiped away a stray tear from her eyes.

"I knew you were okay, that's what matters to me," she cried. "With every call I knew that you were here somehow making it all work. I knew one day you'd piece yourself together long enough to see me and you did," she squeezed his hand. "And I'm glad. I'm glad you're here, and I love you."

"What I did, how I lied to you, it was unfair," he couldn't stop the tears that ran down his face. He felt unworthy to be her son, he felt unlovable.

"I won't lie to you and tell you I wasn't angry the first time you called. I was, I was enraged, but I thought to myself, at least you're calling. At least you weren't off somewhere with a gun..." She broke off. She took a deep shuddering breath. "You can call me and tell me you're on the moon, as long as I hear your voice. I'm so happy you came today, baby. I'm so happy." She got up and hugged him.

Her arms around his shoulders felt like warmth and love, like home. He cried out all his pain in her arms.

Meredith gasped when she saw how swollen Christina's nose was.

"Jesus, you sure you don't want to see Dr. Sloan about that?"

Christina gave Meredith a look, "Yes, go see the one guy that can't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it?"

"Yeah well it looks really bad, it wouldn't hurt to see him, just to make sure nothing's broken," she pleaded. Christina would have rolled her eyes , but that hurt so she just pouted instead.

"Whoa!" Mark exclaimed when they got into his office."What the hell happened?"

"O--" Mer began and Christina elbowed her in the ribs. Mer gasped in pain and turned to leave the wrath of Christina's glare.

"I stopped short driving home last night, my steering wheel decided to introduce itself to my face. I thought it was nothing so I just iced it and went to sleep, but it's really swollen right now and Grey thinks it's broke." Christina explained.

"Did it bleed?" Mark asked and she nodded.

"Like crazy for about 45minutes and then it stopped," she winced as Mark touched it.

"It's not broke, just really swollen. I'll prescribe you some anti-inflammatory pills, keep ice on it. Oh and Doctor's notes are extra," he grinned handing her the prescription. She snatched it out of his hand a gave Meredith a glare.

As soon as they left Mark got on the phone with Derek.

"Mark"

"Derek, guess who just walked in here for treatment..."

Owen was is the bathroom running water on his face. He didn't know how long he cried, but he knew he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his chest. He checked his watch and cursed, he need to see Christina and he needed to get to work. He came out of the bathroom and found his mother already dressed.

"Where?" he began and she raised her hand.

"I want to know where you live, I want to know where you work, I want to meet your new girlfriend, I want back into your life young man," she began and a flash of Christina's battered face went through his mind.

"I have to go to work, Mom, I'll come back in a few days and you can spend the weekend with us," he said and she adamantly shook her head.

"Not one more day, am I going to go on worry about you, Owen," she said. "I need this... not in a few days, but now. I need to know you are in good hands."

"Owen's not the type," Derek said to Mark.

"I didn't think so either, but you didn't see her face, man," Mark argued. "Not to mention she lied and said she was in some kind of car accident when I saw her get into Owen's car last night and he was driving."

"Again, Owen can be an overbearing ass, but he's not the type to hit a woman. Besides Christina's not the battered girlfriend type. Chris is more touch me without permission you'll be sorry type. If he hit her there would be a fight to the death, and we would have to piece those two back together with surgical glue," Derek chuckled at his own joke.

"Okay, but I just wanted to tell you," he began pacing in her foyer. "There was an incident last night, I was asleep and having a nightmare. My girlfriend...Christina, tried to wake me up and I elbowed her. I wasn't in my right mind, I thought I was still over there. I nearly broke her nose,she said it was okay, but... it's not okay," he finished and his mother sighed.

"She forgave you?" she asked and he nodded.

"Then I want to meet her more than ever," she said and Owen stepped away from the door.

"I take it, the black SUV is yours?" she said as they walked out of her house.

Christina was angrier than she had been in so long it actually felt good to be enraged. It was like putting on her favorite sweater and curling up by the fiery embers of her pit of fury. Over the last couple of months she had been angered occasionally, but that was usually fueled by despair and self doubt, those other emotions that can pollute anger, but as she quietly sat behind the trauma desk, legs crossed, ice pack on nose. She felt that as soon as she saw the source of her fury to walk through the doors of Trauma that she would explode.

She was radiating this anger so purely that one look at her even sent The Chief walking away with a shiver down his spine.

She checked the clock 12:15, Owen was fifteen minutes late for his shift and through her anger she prayed. She prayed for his safety, but she also prayed that she didn't scare another man off, because losing Burke was one thing; she didn't know how she could survive losing Owen.

Finally at 12:19, she heard Owen as he passed The Chief in the hallway.

"Sorry Chief," he said.

"Learn how to come in on time, Hunt!' The Chief Scolded, but Owen wasn't listening. All Owen could see was Christina and she was angry. She came around the Trauma desk, ready to blast him , but he gently grabbed her arm.

"Christina," he began, pulling her off to empty room, once he closed the door she pushed him.

"No, Owen," she yelled. "You don't get to talk right now, you get to listen. I was scared, you scared me, and not by this--" She pointed to her nose. "By just disappearing like that. What the Hell is wrong with you? I thought..." she broke off her eyes welled.

"How dare you torment me like that!" she pushed him again. "No phone, no beeper, no note, nothing Owen! I was scared," she cried, realizing the most purest source of her anger, fear.

"Listen to me Christina," he pleaded.

"No you listen, I can't, I won't be left again," she said, pushing passed him. Wiping her face as she walked through the door. She turned and bumped into a tiny red-headed older woman with sky blue eyes.

"Have you seen Dr. Owen Hunt?" she asked and Owen came from behind Christina.

"Oh there you go! I met your Chief, he's very handsome," she grinned with a small blush.

Christina looked at the woman's blue eyes and then looked at Owen. Realizing the woman was Owen's mother Christina's anger left and her pulse began to race. She turned to Owen and threw herself in his arms.

"You told her, you told your mother," she kissed him on his lips, ignoring the pain it cause her nose. Tears ran down her face, tears of happiness. When she pulled away she slapped his shoulder which made him smiled.

"You could have warned me," she said.

"I tried to tell you..." he argued.

"I'm so proud of you!" she exclaimed, waving his explanation off.

She didn't care, all she cared about was Owen and his mom. He told his mother the truth, which meant despite his setbacks, he was getting better. At least he was making an effort to get better, and that made Christina love him more.

"You must be Christina, I'm Beverley," Owen's mother introduced herself and Owen silently kicked himself for dropping the ball. He was too caught up in the look of complete and absolute love Christina was giving him.

"Hello Beverley, I'm honored to meet you," Christina smiled and surprisingly to all, she hugged her.


	4. Love is Healing

A/N Thanks to all who has given me feedback and/or pointed out my mistakes. All reviews are appreciated.

Love is Healing (4/?)

"How was Owen like when he was a little boy?," Cristina asked. She sat across from Owen's mother, Beverley, in the cafeteria. They were having a cup of coffee together. Beverley smiled.

"Very much like he is now surprisingly. Owen has always been a very deep thinker, quiet, introverted as a child, but he's always had a heart that's full, so full of love," She smiled tearing up, Cristina nodded and placed her hand over his mother's.

"When he got into High School however, something happened , puberty, I guess. Suddenly, the introvert disappeared and this ladies man took over. I remember his father having to sit him down several times to tell him to slow down. Then my husband Richard died of a heart attack right before Owen graduated from college. Then Owen enlisted, he was so happy in the Army. He was just an army doctor on a base for a little while and then the war happened and he was deployed to Iraq. I watched as each time he came back colder and harder, haunted."

"How many times did he go over?"

"The last time would have been his third or maybe fourth tour," she said. Cristina's heart-ached for him, just imagining all the things he must have seen over there, she squeezed his mother's hand.

"So, how do you feel about your mother and Cristina? I mean that's a big deal. Your mother meeting your girlfriend for the first time," Meredith asked, walking besides Owen. When Owen didn't respond Meredith looked up at him.

Owen was smiling. He was smiling so wide that Meredith was taken aback. He winked at Meredith and walked away off to take care of another patient. Meredith grinned shaking her head going back to her chart.

"Tell me, how did you meet Owen?" Beverley asked. Cristina smiled and rolled her eyes at the randomness of their first meeting.

"Well, it's a crazy story," she laughed. "I met your son when he came in with a group of people who were in a car accident. He actually trached a guy with a pen at the scene, it was amazing. He was wearing fatigues and had a gash on his leg , he wanted me staple it close because he wanted to check on his patients when I refused he stapled his wound himself. I was thrown to say the least, he was amazing and exciting. Then as my twisted luck would have it, later on that night I was impaled in the abdomen by a fallen icicle," she shook her head. "I became his patient and he rescued me," she finished with a smile remembering their first kiss.

"That was a crazy story," Beverley shook her head in awe of what she just heard.

"I know, but it's ours you know?"

Cristina was so broken after Burke, her self-esteem and self-worth had took a nose dive from the sting of Burke's rejection and then Owen marched into her life. He kissed her, and even when he was broken from Iraq he managed to call her beautiful.

Cristina looked into Beverley eyes,"I thought after--, after a bad break up I had, that I didn't need love. That it wasn't worth my time, it was an unnecessary emotion only made to distract you and weaken you. Then I met Owen, and I see everyday, when I'm with him, how much love can, I don't know... heal. I thought I was healing him by loving him unconditionally, but I realize now that he's been healing me," she blushed. "I sound like an idiot, don't I?"

Beverley squeezed her hand, "No dear, you don't."

" I can't really recall my life without him in it. It's weird." She said more to herself than anyone else.

Derek found Owen in trauma filing out charts. Owen was calm except for the slight tapping of his foot.

"The PET Scan of Marltzoff's back, it looks as though he has Alzheimer's. The Good news is the deterioration is minor, so a neurologist should be able to slow down the process with meds," Derek said and Owen nodded thoughtfully. "Hey can I asked you something, privately?"

"Sure," Owen followed him to an empty exam room. "Shoot."

"Look, I know it none of my business and I know your a man of character, but just... ease my fears," he took a deep sigh. "What--"

"--happened to Cristina's face?" Owen finished and Derek nodded. "Well," Owen put his hands on his hips and leaned against the exam table. "We've only been sleeping in the same bed for a few weeks, I had a nightmare that she tried to wake me from and I accidentally hit her."

"Well that's what I thought, I thought it was something ridiculously simple, but Mark--' he shook his head.

"What does Sloan have to do with this?" he scowled.

"He saw Christina this morning and gave her some meds for the swelling, he called me afterwards. I guess he was concerned," Derek hunched his shoulders and left Owen alone.

Owen didn't understand why he felt so angry. Sloan and him had a camaraderie after his unfortunate accident, but they weren't friends. He guessed he was feeling a little betrayed or maybe just hurt that Sloan would see him as a man who'd beat on a woman. He didn't know how he ended up outside the on call room, but there he was, waiting for Sloan to come out from his midday romp with Grey's little sister. They were like clockwork. Lexie was the first to leave from the room as she left she bumped into Owen with a blush.

"Um, I was just--," she didn't get to finished her lame excuse before Owen pushed past her into the room.

Sloan had just pulled up his scrub pants as Owen slammed the door behind him. Sloan jumped and turned around.

"Hunt, what the hell?" he said pulling on his shirt.

"I-I would appreciate if you have a question for me, for you to talk to me, and not act like a woman and spread gossip," Owen paced.

"What are you talking about?" Sloan blinked, genuinely confused.

"I would never **ever** hit Cristina, not purposefully, **not ever** do you understand that?" he yelled and Sloan's eyes went wide.

"Look Man, no offense, but when I see a woman bruised up like that, as a doctor, I gotta ask those questions," he said.

"Then ask them to me."

"I had to get Derek's opinion first, I'm not a good judge of character," he said and Owen rolled his eyes.

"I used discretion in your situation, not only because as a man I empathized, but as a colleague I didn't want you to be the subject of embarrassment or ridicule. Not to mention, the fact that I'm mentally older than a six year old. Thank you for returning the favor," he said sarcastically and left the room.

"Dude, Hunt, I'm sorry," Sloan called out after him.

Back in the cafeteria Cristina and Beverley were laughing.

"So the bully was complete soaked in blue dye, it was something out of Willy Wonka!" Beverley laughed. "He never messed with my boy again."

Cristina grinned, "He must've been an adorable little boy."

"Oh he was, he's the oldest, my only son, he has two younger sisters, their both married with children."

Beverley's blue eyes went wide like she had the greatest idea in the world. "You both are having dinner with me and the rest of the family this weekend."

Cristina paused and her smile faded, "Um, I'm not sure if Owen's ready for that."

"Well, you two seem solid, is there something else you haven't told me?" she asked confused and a little hurt.

"No, No, it's not us, trust me, we're fine, but Owen's not ready to be around his entire family yet. He barely made it home to you." Cristina sighed and leaned back in her chair a little. "Owen sometimes seems so together and prepared, but inside, he's suffering. Last night, he was...not okay, he's haunted, and sensitive. I just think interacting with his family, the pressure of that, could send him over the edge."

"I like you, Cristina, but I think your wrong. He came home to me so I **know **he's missing his family. I-I think the best thing for him to come home and see his sisters and their kids. He should be amongst family again, instead of off like some lone hurt animal, that's ridiculous."

Cristina looked down at her now empty coffee cup and sighed, "He's not going to go and you suggesting it will push him away."

Beverley stood angrily, "Don't you dare presume what he will do! I know my son!" she yelled storming off and Cristina winced.

"Why can't I keep my big mouth shut?" she stood up checked her watch and threw her coffee cup away. She had fifteen minutes to change into her scrubs and report to Bailey.

When Owen saw his mother again she was sitting in the waiting room visibly upset. He wondered what happened between her and Cristina, but didn't ask.

"You ready to go home?" he asked her and she nodded.

"Don't worry about driving I'll take a cab, I've already called," she waved her cell in the air.

"You're upset," he stated folding his arms in front of him and she shook her head.

"I want you to come to see your sisters this weekend, they miss you," she said and Owen tensed.

He thought about it for a moment and he sighed, "No."

"That's it? Just 'no'?"

"That's all I have," he said, his voice pleading with her.

"No, No Owen," she took his hands and pulled him closer to her. "You have so much more to give I know it, I've seen it," she said and Owen felt the room spinning.

His chest tightened and he abruptly pulled away from her. Feeling his lungs tighten he walked away breathing heavily and sweating.

"Owen?" his mother stood up, calling out, running after him.

Cristina eyes went wide as she saw Owen having a panic attack. She pushed him into a room and intercepted his mother.

"Beverley, Owen is right now having a panic attack," she stated calmly and clearly. "You are pushing to hard and he needs you not to be here right now," she said, Beverley paused for a moment and then nodded, tearfully.

"Okay, just please help him," her hand on Cristina's.

Cristina went into the room and found Owen sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest. Cristina knelt down and pulled his upper body into her arms, she could feel his racing heart and she kissed his sweaty forehead.

"Breathe," she whispered. "That's it, breathe." She rubbed his arm slowly. The room was quiet except for the small beeps coming from the heart monitor of a coma patient.

"Can't, can't go," he said his heartbeat and breathing still out of control.

"Shh, I know, it's okay," she hushed him.

"She-she won't. She won't understand, n-no one understands, but y-you," he said and then he kissed her like a drowning man surfacing for air. By the time, they finished kissing Owen's heart was within normal range, and Cristina was feeling breathless. They touched foreheads and she placed her hand on his scruffy cheek.

"I told her it was too soon for you and she was upset with me," Cristina sighed. "I knew you'd react this way."

"You're the only one who knows me, truly knows me and understands...this," he sighed and she kiss his lip softly again.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, we'll work through it,"she swore to him. She had no idea how happy she made him when she talked about them long-term.

"You ready to go back?"

"Yes."

"You want me to talk to your mom?" she looked up at him and he thought about that for a long minute.

"Please," he said and they made their way back to the floor.

Owen went back to Trauma and buried himself in his work. He did not look at his mother once even though she was sitting in trauma's waiting room. Cristina walked to her and sat next to her. Beverley's eyes were red and puffy from crying and her nose was rubbed raw by the Kleenex she used.

"I'm sorry," she said, and Cristina took her hand.

"I know this is hard for you but it's also twice as hard for him. He's making progress, I'm making sure of that, but it's slow progress. One day, he will be able to go to family dinner and play with his nieces and nephews and socialize with his sisters, but it won't be this weekend. Not while the thought of it does that to him," Cristina squeezed her hand gently and Beverley nodded.

"I-I just want what they did to him to go away," she cried and Cristina held her.

"One day," she sighed.

Ten minutes later, Beverley's cell phone rang and it was the cab company. Cristina walked her outside and they hugged.

"He won't even look at me, he won't even say goodbye," she cried as they embraced. Cristina pulled away and looked back towards trauma. Owen knew his mother was leaving, but he was being distant.

"He's...holding it together," she weakly explained. "I'll have him call you later, okay?"

"Thank you, Cristina, for everything," Beverley got in the cab and with a small wave, she left.

It was almost till the end of Owen's shift when Mark Sloan found him in Trauma.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Mark asked and Owen ignored him at first.

"Look I'm sorry, man. I'm really, really sorry, I suck, okay," Mark said. "I should have came to you with my question instead of running to Shepherd, and you did do me a solid and I appreciate that," he rambled.

"You know, Mark, after our talk I thought in depth why I was so irked at you, and I realize it's because you don't have any clue of the consequences of your actions. Whatever comes to your twisted mine you'll go with because you have no sense of what's right on wrong, you're self-involved and you have very little integrity. So, to answer your question, Sloan... no." Owen said, leaving Mark blinking.

"Well alright, maybe next time?" he called out.

Cristina finished her shift at SGH and went back to Owen's apartment. He had sent her a text message letting her know that he was worn out so he was heading home. As she threw her keys on the slate counter top she noticed he had picked up some Thai food. It was sitting enticingly on the stove waiting for her, but she was too tired to heat it up.

Taking off her jacket and boots, she climb the metal stairs and found Owen snoring in bed on his stomach. She saw a new prescription pill bottle on the nightstand and read it:

"Ambien," she whispered and sighed. She took off her clothes and climbed in bed. using his back as a pillow she listened to his heartbeat, and slowly drifted off to sleep.


	5. Dreams

A/N: Ah, so here we come to the last part. I was going to try to stretch this out longer, but I feel like I'm chasing my own tail on these two since they're so completely emotionally screwed up. (And I love it, don't get me wrong!) However, to continue this I'm going to be dangerously close to repeating stuff in my Points in Time series and why do double work? So thank you for reading and reviewing Nothing Compares. Sorry for this angsty ending. More to come from me with PIT.

Chapter 5-- Dreams

Owen was trying to sneak out, it was ridiculous, but for some reason he just could face Cristina today. It was as if she was too much invested in him, when he knew he was too much of a mess for her to have to handle. He didn't understand why she didn't just get up and run as far way from him and his mess as she could.

He was about to go downstairs to the main floor of his loft when she rolled over a stretched.

"You're just going to leave?" she asked, he could here the beginnings of her anger chasing sleep away.

"I wanted to get to work early. There's a lot of paperwork I'm late on because Mom was there." he lied and he knew she knew he was lying.

Cristina shook her head, "Go Owen, just go, you're good at running away," She said as she sat up. Downcast he turned to leave and she scrambled out of bed. "Seriously? You're not going to deny it?" she called down at him as he put on his black leather jacket.

"There's nothing to deny," he said simply, Cristina came down the stairs.

"I don't know if it's that your uncomfortable with weakness, or if your too full of bullshit and self pity to pull your head out of your ass," she said and saw a flash of anger in his eyes.

"You don't understand," he said.

"Yesterday you said I did, now when I challenge you, I don't? Make up your god damn mind Owen. I'm not just here because your pretty, I'm here because I see you and I want you to stop running," she put her hands on his chest.

"Stop running from me, there has to be a point where you have to stop, and take a breath, and say yes I can do this. I thought you found that point with me, but you run from me every time you have a setback like I'm going to judge you," her hand went to his face. "I'm not judging you so why are you running?"

"Why aren't you running, you deserve so much more than a broken man breaking down because of the possibility of a family dinner. You deserve someone who doesn't have to medicate himself to sleep in a bed with you," he yelled.

"Because in one of the lowest points in my life, you caught me, you called me beautiful and told me anything can happen, and you made me believe you."

Owen shook his head, and then sat on his modernly shaped black leather couch, his head in his hand.

"I feel that I'm wasting your time," he whispered.

"If I felt that way I'd tell you," Cristina assured him. "Sometimes when you shut down on me I feel as though you don't care about me."

Owen's eyes went wide, that was the last impression he wanted her to have. Everything he did he thought about how it effected her.

"I love you," he said touching her bruised face gently. "That's why I can't believe I did this to you."

Cristina pointed to her bruise, "This didn't hurt me as much as you shutting down on me that night. Only thing I wanted you to do was to tell me what was happening in your dream that got you so scared. You never talk to me about Iraq, I only know the cliff notes version to what happened to you. That was fine before, but now you want me to move in, "I love yous" have been exchanged, we've slept together, and I've met your mother... It's time Owen. I'm not asking for everything, but just a little."

Cristina finished and Owen understood, he couldn't protect her from his problem. She shouldn't have to put up with it , but she did because she loved him. She was right, he was keeping everything to himself, building walls. He didn't want her to see him weak, broken. He didn't want her to look at him as if he needed saving either. He didn't want to become her project.

She turned his head so he was looking at her and she kissed him gently on the lips.

"How about this, I tell you about my painful past and you tel me about yours, and eventually we'll both heal?"she offered and Owen looked at her as if she was joking. Other than her father's death, what could she possibly have that could compare to Iraq.

Cristina saw his look and took a deep breath, "I lost a baby, once." She said and Owen blinked, he couldn't believe it. His heart ached for her and he went to touch her face but she pulled his hands into her lap.

"I had an affair with a Cardiothoracic surgeon when I was an intern, it was a quick, fast, and dirty love affair that started out of nowhere. Immediately, I became pregnant and I didn't want it. I even scheduled to have it aborted, but I didn't go. I thought, for sure, I didn't want it," she sighed heavily. "Fate made up my mind, it was ectopic pregnancy. It wasn't until after surgery, while recovering, with my nagging mother in my room that I realized, I probably would have made a good mom," she rolled her eyes with a sad grin. "I cried so hard and couldn't stop, because deep inside I thought that I caused the baby's death because I didn't want it enough."

"I'm sorry, Cristina," he whispered and she shook her head.

"Sometimes, every now and then I have this nightmare where I'm walking with my baby in a stroller through a crowd. Something distracts me and when I turn around, my baby is gone. Panicked and crying, I start shaking everyone around me begging them to tell me where my baby is and they won't. Then one of them says to me, 'Why do you even care, you didn't want it anyway?' and I always wake up crying from that dream."

Owen shook his head, only imagining the pain she went through losing a child, especially one she was unsure about having. He knew Cristina would beat herself up for something fate had a hand in. She always thought her actions could control the way the world worked, but it didn't.

He leaned back on the sofa, sighing. He felt tears burn his eyes, "My, my dream. I-I-I dream of fire and the smell of burning flesh. My ears are ringing and there's a Colonel above me screaming. I can't make out what he's saying...then-then he points down and I look down at myself. I see that my body parts are blown up. I'm missing legs and my arms. I'm just a head and half a torso, paralyzed. Then I see it, the flash of another RPG, but this time I can't do anything about it, I can't even warn the Colonel. I just scream and scream until it hits me. Boom!" he said and Cristina squeezed his sweaty hands.

"When you woke me up, I could feel that I was free, I could move again, so I was going to dodge out of the way. That's when I hit you." he looked down at his lap and Cristina kissed his temple, her hands ran through his hair. He looked into her eyes and found no judgment, no pity, just caring and understanding.

"Are there other dreams?" she asked and he nodded, pulling his hands away he rubbed his palms on his pants.

"Every night since I've been back, there's some kind of nightmare. Maybe memories, I don't know," he stood up and paced. "There's another, where I'm lying down after the RPG blast and I can't breath or move. Th-there's smoke so dense I-I can't see anything. Then suddenly the smoke clears and I realize that I can't move because my dead brothers are pinning me down with their weight. And I can't get them off, and I-I-I just want them off me," he said, suddenly hyperventilating, unable to breath he took of his jacket and threw it on a chair, Cristina rushed over to him and led him to the couch. He put his head on her chest crying, and she rocked him gently.

"Shh, I'm here, I'm right here. The bodies are gone," she whispered and Owen shook his head.

"They're here," he held his head. "They're always here."

"But they won't be forever, and if they are you have me to chase them away," She Promised and Owen looked at her.

"Always?" he asked, his racing pulse beginning to slow.

"Always," she kissed his forehead.

He entwined his finger with her and his eyes closed. he went to sleep in her arms. She shifted her weight a bit making herself comfortable, both mentally and physically.

She laid with him in her arms amazed by how much she loved him and how far she would go for him. She was never good at expressing her emotions, she just wished Owen could feel it from her.

Owen did, surprisingly. In her arms, he completely and utterly felt it.


End file.
